Today I feel so alone, depressed and like a slave that is forbidden to cum. I have been trying to convince my Master to let me cum in hopes that it will pick up my mood, but his answer is no. The candle holding the key to my KTB is still barely even burnt. It seems that my chance of having an orgasm is not even going to happen this month, next month or even the month after that.
I feel like I'm stuck on an emotional roller coaster. Some days I feel that somewhere deep inside me I secretly want to shoot the biggest load of my life. Other days I feel that if I never want to cum again in my life. It's a constant back and forth within my mind. Mentally I fell spent, I don't know what is a true thought and what is a sexual thought. I rarely even think anything is sexy anymore some days, other days I feel enraged with a sexual desire that feels as if it will never be fed.
Already feeling extremely depressed, tonight my Master made me do something new for him. He made me put on a web cam sex show with him. We broadcasted for about an hour and he showed me off to his internet friends. He showed them how obedient I was. He took off the Kali's Teeth on cam but left on the cock ring. When he tried to jack me off or turn me on I couldn't get hard. The humiliation of being treated like a slave in-front of strangers made me feel like a dirty slut. I did what the people in the chat room requested and got my Master off the way they wanted me too. When he came on my face I thought the himulation was over until they made me eat my Masters cum off my face. Everyone was calling me a dirty slut and told me that I was never aloud to cum again. It was a very different experience, and my Master wants to do it again some time soon. He said that he wants to make money off of me by performing for these people on webcam. I have never felt so "used" before until tonight, I want to just cry my brains out, but I know that my Master wouldn't have that. The psychological affects going on in my mind from being a slave are digging holes in my soul. I am at a breaking point. They say that there are five stages of grieving: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I would have to say that I'm at the end of the line. I keep getting stuck between depression and acceptance. I just don't know if my mind will let me accept the truth, that I am not in controll of my own penis, or even sexual desires.
Good lord!! You're basically being made to sell your ass against your will. But then you're into being a slave so... What do you want? Do you want pity, a way out,? No, you want things to back they way they were before, but think about it, how good was before? Were you just smitten by your master so that it took quite a while before you realized your needs were not being met? Again, you chose to be a slave, so it's a very mixed message you are sending. If you as a couple need the money and you like having him as a master, then do it. But if it's just a bizarro fetish that leaves you feeling empty, just walk away. Leave. The instant you are not bound, just leave. And then go running back to find he's got someone else there. He never really loved you.
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